January is traditionally a time to focus on making life changes – and, for some, this involves leaving an unhappy marriage. So it comes as no surprise that today, 4 January, is dubbed ‘divorce day’ by family lawyers.
For those who have resolved to leave their marriages, divorce coach Sara Davison gives her seven steps to coping with this tough time:
1 Take one day at a time
Some people feel they are standing at the bottom of a huge mountain and have to climb it in one step. There may be lots of changes and adjustments happening but it’s important to take each day as it comes. Take small steps and don’t put pressure on yourself to solve all the issues today. Focus on getting through today as best you can and tomorrow is a fresh start.
2 Get a good team of people around you
This is especially important with a divorce, as you will need good legal and financial advisers to call on as and when you need them. Think carefully about the friends and family you confide in and make sure they have your best interests at heart. Get a good divorce coach to help you navigate your divorce journey. Find a good therapist if you feel this would benefit you, too. You may find it useful to get a workout partner as regular exercise will help you keep strong, even if it’s just a brisk walk in the park.
3 Plan your day so you are kept busy
If you are worried about being on your own in the evenings arrange to see friends or join a local club or gym.
4 Don’t be afraid to cry
It is part of your healing process. Acknowledging the different negative emotions you are facing will help to deintensify them.
5 Don’t try to answer all the questions in your head at one time
Some you will never be able to answer. Avoid spending time on questions such as: ‘What’s wrong with me?’ or ‘What did I do wrong?’ Instead, ask yourself more positively focused questions such as ‘What can I do right now to help me through this?’
6 Flip it!
There is always a more positive way to think about your break up. Take off those rose tinted glasses and start to look for the warts that were there. After all, things can’t have been as good as you are remembering if it has ended. So now you’re free to find someone who appreciates you – swap your exes Twitter feed for an online dating site and off you go.
7 Plan your future
Map out what you can do in the next six months that you couldn’t have ever dreamed of doing if you were still married. This will give you some goals to aim for and look forward to.
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For more information or to book a consultation with Sara, log on to saradavison.com or follow her on Twitter @SDDivorcecoach