How confident are you truly?

Even the most self assured of us can experience bouts of feeling tongue-tied,red-faced and awkward when confronted with people or situations that we’re not familiar with. Take our quiz and discover the root of your shyness, and how to beat it

1. I am at ease when:
A I know what is expected of me
B I’m just having a casual chat
C I’m with someone who is happy to dominate the conversation
D No one is looking

2. At a dinner party I am likely to:
A Ask the host how I can help and spend half the night in the kitchen
B Deflect the conversation on to others by asking lots of questions
C Rely on everyone else to keep the conversation going
D Worry about whether I am making a good impression

3. I am unnerved by:
A Having to think on my feet
B Being asked questions that are too personal
C Witty banter
D An audience

4. When in a conversation with others I tend to:
A Stick to topics I know
B Keep the conversation light
C Not know what to say
D Wonder what they are thinking about me

5. My great strengths are:
A Being fully prepared
B Independence
C Modesty
D Spotting when something’s wrong

6. Others probably don’t know that I:
A Am not as confident as I appear
B Feel nervous about letting people get too close to me
C Want to be outgoing, but find it hard to express myself
D Am always worried about making a fool of myself

7. Others are likely to describe me as:
A Controlling
B Guarded
C Timid
D Distracted

8. What keeps me awake at night?
A Not feeling ready for tomorrow
B Having spoken too freely earlier
C All the things I should have said, but didn’t
D Something I did that was really embarrassing

The results

If you scored:

Mainly As You need control

You probably have defined roles in your job and family where others experience you as confident and convivial because you’re in control. But outside your comfort zone you’re unsure how to relate to people, and feel full of anxiety in unstructured situations.
TAKE ACTION: Put yourself in situations outside your usual routine. Take some risks and don’t worry about the consequences. Go fly a kite or something you’ve never done before; so what if you’re no good at it? Use these experiences to overcome your anxiety with the unfamiliar.

Mainly Bs You don’t trust anyone

Your lack of trust is born from a fear of being hurt if others get too close. You’re likely to have experienced rejection, neglect or bullying so your shyness becomes a shelter, allowing you to avoid exposing yourself or risking fallout from unhappy relationships.
TAKE ACTION: Try telling close friends more about yourself; say how you feel, reveal personal foibles, share the odd secret. Try one small revelation at a time, so if they do let you down it doesn’t really matter. Personal disclosure not only helps shyness fall off, it also endears you to people who felt they didn’t know you before.

Mainly Cs You’re tongue tied

Inhibition is the problem here. You feel others are quick to judge you, and feel safer out of the limelight. You probably have a group of friends who appreciate you, but your shyness comes on with people you don’t know well. It’s frustrating, as you want to be appreciated for who you are.
TAKE ACTION: Other people’s judgements say more about them than you, so be true to yourself and others will get to know you. Don’t worry if they don’t get there first time, they will in due course. If they don’t, what will happen? Not much. The alternative is a lifetime of being misunderstood.

Mainly Ds You blame yourself

Self-criticism fuels this shyness. A commentary in your head tells you all the things you’re doing wrong. It’s a load of nonsense, but you can’t turn it off.
TAKE ACTION: Silence your inner critic by concentrating on what’s going on outside your head: the words the other person uses, the way their lips move or anything else that’s happening. This will distract you so your confidence shines through.

Compiled by: Emma Sutehall