How assertive are you?

Take our quiz to find out whether you always get your way – or need to stop being a doormat.

Part 1

For this section, score the statements on a scale of one to five, with
1 = not at all like me
2 = occasionally like me
3 = somewhat like me
4 = often like me
5 = very much like me

A I believe it is more important to have my needs met than to be liked by everyone

B I will always speak out if something seems unfair

C I will tell someone if they have upset me, even if I sometimes find it hard to do so

D I am always clear in my own mind about what is and what isn’t acceptable to me at work

E I have sometimes been described as ‘intimidating’

Part 2

For this section, score the statements on a scale of one to five, with
1 = very much like me
2 = often like me
3 = somewhat like me
4 = occasionally like me
5 = not at all like me

F Friends see me as the peacemaker

G I feel uncomfortable with the idea of upsetting people

H I know I put other people in front of myself

I People often ask me for favours

J I find it hard to say ‘no’, whether that’s to colleagues or friends

The results

If you scored:

10-14
You don’t like to ruffle feathers, and you go out of your way to please others. While that’s a very nice quality, it can sometimes mean you don’t get your own needs met. Women in particular can be prone to a lack of assertiveness, perhaps because we’re brought up to believe we shouldn’t make demands, and because, culturally, we’re often the ones with the role of caring for others.
Your learning curve:
Know the difference between assertive and aggressive. You can politely state your needs without having to be angry or confrontational. Practise saying ‘no’ with a smile – you don’t need to make excuses or explain yourself. If someone invites you out and you’re not in the mood, simply saying ‘no thanks, but perhaps we can meet another time’ is sufficient. After you’ve done this a few times you’ll notice that nobody will be offended.

16-30
You have it in you to be assertive at times, but it’s likely this doesn’t apply to all areas of your life. For example, perhaps you have no problem with saying ‘no’ to your friends, but find it difficult to do so at work. If you are assertive in some areas, but not others, the chances are this is linked to where your insecurities lie. Do you find it hard to decline extra work from your boss? This may be because you feel uncertain about how you’re seen at work.
Your learning curve:
Identify areas where you are less confident about being assertive. Ask yourself why this might be, and what you can do to build up your self-worth in those areas. Try to apply the assertiveness you have to other areas.

31-50
You’re good at stating your needs and setting boundaries, but be careful this doesn’t go too far. The higher your score in this section, the more likely it is you may be bordering on aggressive at times. Just like a lack of assertiveness, this can originate from a lack of confidence – you may fear people will take advantage, or not pay attention, unless you are very forceful.
Your learning curve:
Just become aware of your behaviour. Other people’s reactions to you are a great gauge. It could be that you’re just good at being assertive, but if you notice people are sometimes afraid to ask you for things, you may need to tone it down a bit. Soften your tone of voice, smile, and watch the words you use. Be less absolute, and try offering suggestions as well. Rather than saying ‘No, it’s absolutely impossible for me to do that’, try: ‘I’d love to help but I wouldn’t be able to do it in that time – could you give me a few extra days?’

How did you get on? Let us know in the comments box below…