What happens when… I’m in love

Find out if you can fall in love at first, why our hearts race and how to keep that heady feeling

Love is…
The muse for poets to novelists and songwriters to filmmakers, love has been explored in myriad ways, but exactly what happens to us when we’re smitten? ‘Love is an emotion and a chemical response,’ explains Paula Hall (www.paulahall.co.uk), relationship psychotherapist and author of Improving Your Relationship For Dummies (John Wiley & Sons, £15.99). ‘Falling in love is about bonding and companionship.’ ‘Love is essential for life,’ adds Dr Thomas Lewis (www.thomaslewis.com), assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California and co-author of
A General Theory Of Love (Vintage, £16). ‘In fact, it would be hard to think of something that is more essential to us – except perhaps air, water, food or sleep.’

Affairs of the heart
There is more to love than those tender and passionate feelings of being in love. Whether it’s through our relationships with families, friends or partners, love is a fundamental feature of our existence and crucial to our physical and mental wellbeing. ‘Human beings are designed to operate within a network of relationships with others and, when deprived of that, their bodies and brains do not function normally,’ says Dr Lewis. ‘Loneliness and social isolation can make us more susceptible to illness and disease, as many studies have found. For example, research on rat pups shows that the relationships they have with their mother regulates a host of factors such as their hormone, immune and cardiovascular functions. And love has many purposes. ‘In heterosexual relationships, a lot of the focus is about the need to procreate,’ says Hall. ‘But clearly it is about more than just evolution or reproduction, as women beyond childbearing age still fall in love.’

Chemical attraction
‘Love at first sight is a myth,’ says Hall. ‘It’s a strong attraction that develops into lust, which tends to last between around 18 months to two years.’ Feelings of love follow and, throughout these stages, chemicals are secreted into the body from the limbic system – the emotional centre of the brain. ‘During the lust phase, the chemical phenylethylamine (PEA) takes dominance,’ says Hall. ‘It makes our hearts race and causes us to feel excited or anxious – it’s very similar to the effects of amphetamines.’ When PEA and lust die out, the chemical oxytocin takes prevalence. ‘It’s nature’s bonding chemical,’ says Hall.
‘It makes us feel close to our partner and gives us those feelings of intimacy, warmth, tenderness and affection. It creates a desire to touch and we also release it when we touch, so it’s a wonderful, positive spiral. Physically, our facial expressions may soften, our pupils may dilate and we may mirror our partner’s body language.’

Words: Gemma Haigh

*For more on being in love and other health and wellbeing features pick up our Jan/Feb issue in your nearest Holland & Barrett store.