‘Take your time’

We’ve become too fast and too furious, says Dr Nick Baylis, therapist and author of The Rough Guide to Happiness. It’s quality, not quantity, that will do the most to improve our lives

Through a misconceived over-use of medical procedures and high technology, we humans are busy trying to live longer and faster. The trouble is, we seem to be sadder, sicker creatures because of it. Depression, dementia, anxiety and obesity are all rife. This is quite likely because, as a good rule of thumb, living is improved by quality not quantity… improved by breadth and depth and varied colour… by slow’n’savouring, not by greed’n’speed.
I would argue there is no activity that isn’t improved by slowing it down to at least half or even a quarter of our regular pace. Exercising, eating, speaking, sex… they are all dramatically improved by taking our own sweet time. Simply breathing slowly (perhaps seven seconds in, nine seconds out) is one of the most self-calming activities, particularly when combined with consciously relaxing all of our body’s muscles. And just as a relaxed body is flexible and fast, likewise a calm and relaxed mind can move faster and further than a tense one, to solve problems or learn new things. In pursuit of such benefits, rather than telling ourselves to ‘Slow down!’ like the irritable voice of some hyper-anxious parent, it’s better we set ourselves the positive goal of doing an activity in sensuous and considerate ‘slow motion’.
All that said, creating a better life balance is one of the fundamental strategies for wellbeing, so let’s not forget that swiftness has its place. But what exactly should we seek to speed up? When it comes to making choices about everyday items, we will find it faster and less tortuous if we have rules for ourselves: I’ll just look in three shops, and that’s it. The internet tells us the lie that we can, if we check through several dozen brands, find the very best one. But surely there are other priorities for our time? Good enough can be fine. Better we make it our rule to choose between three and then completely ignore the other possibilities.
Learning to actively ignore things is a very useful skill with a range of applications. Just because we have a phone, doesn’t mean we have to answer it, or leave it on. Just because someone sends us an email, doesn’t mean we have to reply… ever. We can delete the enquiries, the feeble chatter, and by doing so make time for the people and jobs that we deem important, rather than let ourselves be bullied into prioritising what some bored or urgent people want to bother us with. Technology firms tell us that ‘faster easier’ high-tech communications are somehow better, but I’ve seen nothing to support that. Quite the opposite, in fact. Taking our precious time and trouble to write a pen and paper letter sends a far more memorable message.
Though the advertisers tell us ‘It’s good to talk (or email)’, the evidence of our own hearts tells us it’s far far better to be with someone in flesh’n’blood so we can share adventures together. And this is surely because shared adventures are the very building blocks of close relationships, even if that adventure is simply cooking together or a walk in the park. The good news is we can increase the savouring of our special relationships, simply by learning to use the off/delete/ignore button far more often.
The bottom line is we need to rethink what we could call our ‘relationship with life’. By being cheek-pinkingly honest about our heart-felt priorities – the who and what we really care about – allows us to better cherish those things most dear to us, and to delete the rest without a qualm. Underpinning such a clear-cut approach is the following affirmation: we are not machines, and shouldn’t be competing with them. Rather, we should be trying to be everything a machine is not. Our role as a living, feeling creature is to be passionate, irrational, personal, non-linear, messy and surprising. So, why not try out a low-technology week, switching your whole way of doing things to ‘slow-motion and savour’ with a view to monitoring the improvements in the achievements you really value, and your treasured relationships. See what happens to you, and with whom?

Dr Nick Baylis (www.nickbaylis.com) has lectured The Skills of Well-being at Cambridge University for seven years, and is author of The Rough Guide to Happiness: Practical Steps to All-round Well-being (Rough Guides, £10.99).