‘Let’s talk about sex’

Founder of erotic emporium, Coco de Mer, Sam Roddick questions how we view sex today and suggests how we can make it one of life’s healthy pleasures

Culturally, the English dismiss sex as a laughable, unmentionable act, which is fuelled with judgment. The questions about getting it, giving it and enjoying it enough all roll around the private minds of our cosmopolitan community. The pressures mount up and expectations are confusing for us all. We are at a precarious place within unfolding history – we need to make a choice as to what kind of world we wish to live in.
Contradictions around the liberation of sex are also sending us into a world full of mixed messages. With the loss of important boundaries and the over- sexualisation of our culture, we are being led into a very dangerous place. Sex trafficking is on the increase, the third largest criminal industry in the world next to arms and drugs. Lap dancing and women adopting a male attitude towards sex have become socially acceptable.
Religious fanaticism is also on a global increase and is having a dramatic effect on the freedom of women around the world. It is decreasing women’s right to an education, sexual and political freedom. The facts are simple; where there is a lack of equality between men and women there is a shocking increase in violence.
On the other hand, there is a truth in saying that the urban western woman has more information than ever. Her expectations for pleasure are finally matching the demands of her male counterparts and, for the first time in history, women have more freedom to express themselves. Sex is a precious act that adds to the pleasure of our lives. It can give us insurmountable happiness and draw us close to the ones we love. Sex is a function like eating and sleeping, however, the golden secret is pleasure. Pleasure is a lot more complicated as how we give and how we receive pleasure is what unlocks the doors of paradise. Understanding pleasure takes communication and vulnerability.
Great sex makes us less angry, more loving and happier as a whole. However, sex has more purposes than being a simple sustenance to the soul. It is great for our personal health, and medical evidence has shown that the endorphins that are released are one of the best and most effective antidepressants around. Additionally, sex lowers blood pressure, is a great pain reliever, helps keep the heart healthy and your body trim.
If we want to be a sexually liberated society, first of all we have to understand there is only one rule to our freedom and that involves understanding the importance of consent. This sounds simple and obvious but we are not taught what consent truly is. Consent is based on negotiation between the people involved and the complete understanding of what the parameters are. Consent can only come with empowerment, and empowerment can only come from understanding yourself and what you are entitled to.
Our attitudes towards sex dictate how we treat each other and ourselves. Sex is more important to us socially than we give it credit – being non-judgmental, kind and respectful are the values that we need to project. Individually, we need to carve out more time in our lives to prioritise it, instead of expecting it to happen in-between our heavy schedules – it is the one act that can provide an amount of joy that is invaluable. And, the best, most pleasurable sex we can experience is free.
The one piece of advice I can give you is explore everything – every crevice of your body – feast on your lovers’ flesh and forget about the goal of an orgasm, it is irrelevant. Just treat your lovers’ body like it is an adventure and your destination will be paradise.

[Photo: Rex features]